My friends, I have a tale for you.

You won’t believe your ears.

In fact, you’ll insist it’s all made up—

The stories that you’ll hear!

The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle’s

The book we want to read.

It will have your ass in stitches!

It will make you bleed!

There’s something here ’bout Alfred

Apparently he thinks he’s “Great”

But he could not have fought the horde

Til death became their fate!

For do we not have Thor’s Day

As our 4th day of the week?

And is that god not Danish?

Do I know of what I speak?