I just want to illustrate something to you guys so if you don’t have a strong sense of internal trust maybe it can help you.

So about a month and a half ago I cut my entire family off. I’m 47 years old and they’ve all abused me. Everyone of them. If not directly then implicitly by their silence in the face of the knowledge of what was being done to me. They saw it. It happened in front of many of them many times.

I did that because I had complete faith that somehow I would be rewarded for doing so. My truck is in my mother’s name because they had me arrested and I had to use the money i had saved from my disabilty check to hire a lawyer. It doesn’t matter why I was arrested. It isn’t on my record. It was defending my daughter against my father. He told her to shut up and I told him do not do that and he did it again. I shoved him, he fell. I went to jail.

So I had no money to buy a vehicle. My mom knew I was saving that for one. Did she get me one in my name? She gave my brother her old vehicle which is a better one than the one she bought to replace it. I said, “don’t buy a new car. Buy a good used one.” and I said, “Don’t buy a Nissan.” I don’t know if these ppl deliberately ignore me out of spite but mercy. She will regret all of that. The arrangement with my brother is to pay her but he’s taken from her his whole adult life and she’s never made him repay her. Meanwhile I have ALWAYS kept track and tried to repay her.

So think about that. My brother has a super nice Mazda SUV and i am driving a truck i can’t drive at night because the brake lights do not work. I begged them for months to fix that. I pointed out a dozen times i was trapped in my home after dark.

These peopel are violent abusers. It never fucking occurred to me that the reason my mother actively sabotaged every relationship I ever had because she was trying to.

I didnt go to ONE play of my daughter’s one time because she wouldn’t fucking visit me at all. So my mom goes and tells her i just didn’t want to take a shower. So my daughter thinks to this day that is why even though I told her exactly why.

This woman told my ex-wife I was making up the abuse I suffered. My dad kicked my ass until I started fighting back. And then he started calling the Cops.

But here is why I wanted to say that to illustrate this: I walked away from that in BLIND faith.

My Mom kept coming to my house to borrow my truck even after i told her to leave me alone. I said, “This abuse will stop.” In a text to her. She replied “I can keep it.” I said, “Keep it. Leave me alone.” She kept that truck for a week and I ran out of drinking water and meat to eat. She brought it back and tried to frame it like she was doing me a favor. I blocked this woman on every platform. She sent me 3 dollars on ko fi the other day. I had 41 cents in my account. I refunded it. Again, complete faith.

And I made it to today and I have money now.

And I had to keep that truck because we live in a very affluent part of Tennessee and I can’t afford lving costs here without one. There is no public transportation.

But I KNEW the next damn thing I had to do was get independent of that dang truck.

It won’t make sense for you if you don’t believe in magic, but a huge potential civil rights lawsuit knocked at my door the other day and I let it in. So, we are going to find out, won’t we?

We are going to see.